When Cars Drive Through Walls & There's Nothing You Can Do About It

A few years ago I had a job that mostly involved staring at a computer screen and talking about wine stains.
I hated it. 
It wasn't a bad job - but I was thirsty for a deep heart change. It was a season for me that was dry. I felt alone, desperately insecure, and dizzily unsure about where my life was headed. I had potential. I had a calling. But I did not like myself. I was weighed down with so much pain and past hurt that I felt stuck. 

And then a car shot right through the front of the building I was working in. 

I still remember my thoughts as it happened. First, "What--?". Then; nothing. I didn't feel anything as I watched the car, in slow motion, rev over the curb and then seeing the wall bend and crack in front of me. I was less than three feet away.

In that moment I realized - this is happening, and there's nothing I can do about it. And it wasn't just about the immediate danger. I was already on the threshold of "no turning back" when it came to how desperate my life was looking. No feelings of fear or panic, nothing moved in my cold little heart. I was already staring at rubble, just now it was in the literal place I was standing.

And sometimes, life just throws things at you. For me it was a cheap homestyle parody of a Fast and Furious movie tied to years of emotional baggage and some good old fashioned heart tearing. For you it could be your parents divorce. No money for tuition. Job loss. A break up. Something you didn't see coming and now you're left numb, standing, staring and wanting to scream, "Hey God, really? I didn't ask for this!" 

And in your heart you know that He is good. Your head knowledge tells you that there is a plan. But right now you're overwhelmed with the pieces and don't know if you even want to pick them up again.

I've been there. I'm back there again. And I'm going to tell you that it will be okay.

What I'm not going to tell you is a five step plan. I can't say that healing is just a mirror mantra and some bible verses away, or that you need to tough it out and keep everything together. Sorrow and silence never make a good pair.

When I'm feeling spent and tired and questioning whether I even have what it takes to do this whole Jesus thing, what I really need is for someone to say the battle is already won. There's a lot of comfort to be found in saying "Dude. This sucks." and have the person next to you say, "Yeah. It does suck."

Because I know I need Jesus, but I also need his people. Thank goodness we don't get to choose one or the other.

Feelings change, circumstances waver, and cars can totally drive through walls for no reason. And most of the time all you have the power to do is watch. That's why we need to be here. Keep our eyes open. Do what it takes to be soft. Be willing to listen, say "this sucks", and stay put. You don't have to be a superhero or perfect or know the right things to say. Whether its your wall that's broken or you're helping somebody rebuild theirs - in my experience your imperfections make it a whole lot easier to be vulnerable, to listen and to hear. It's hard. It's rarely fun. But it's a part of what we're called to do. It's how we're supposed to share in community. Jesus, + his people. That's what it's all about.