Conduits, Not Counterfeits

Conduits, Not Counterfeits

Monday, April 24, 2017

I've just realized something.

Sometimes when I feel lonely, rejected, ignored or less than, I try and find an external way to get the validation I think that I need. It looks like posting a "hot" selfie. It looks like making my status a quote from a theological book. Sometimes it looks like flirting or going on dates with guys that I have no intention of texting back. Or it looks like stalking other girls on the internet, comparing and judging them in order to make myself feel better. 

Horrible, right? Disgusting, even. Yet we all do it. We pimp ourselves out to a world that doesn't have the power to give us the comfort and belonging that we so desperately need.

I've been thinking a lot about this over the past month. I keep asking myself, "Beth, is what you're about to do God-honouring? Are you trying to sell yourself because you want attention? Where are you trying to get all this validation from?" I feel like I should know better. I feel like I'm exactly the product of the culture I try to tell people to fight against. I feel like a fake.

The truth is, we don't have to resort to comparison in order to make ourselves feel good or bad. I don't need to punish myself because my skin isn't clear enough, my hair not shiny enough, and my body not fit enough. Because that's not what worth is. When we let ourselves sit in these destructive cycles, we completely lose sight of where our worth comes from. We forget who we are.

We forget who God is.

Please. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget who made you. Let's shift our focus from ourselves and our pride, our insecurity, and point it on the One who made us perfectly. Focus on the right now and the person across from you, focus on what you can do rather than what you can't. We were made to display God's glory through our lives, our thoughts, and our actions. Be a conduit. Not a counterfeit. 

I'm Bad at Love.

I'm Bad at Love.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Mama Beth and Papa Beth. Aren't they the sweetest?!

(Sassy disclaimer, this isn't going to be another millennial article about the 'fear of commitment' epidemic or why singleness sucks in the Church. Depending on how orthodox you think you are, go to Relevant Magazine or the Gospel Coalition for that biz.)

So, I'm bad at "love". Or, what our culture thinks love is. And that's okay with me.

The truth is, I like who I am on my own. I find it hard to hold a text conversation for more than a few hours. I refuse to play the "do you like me or do I like you, and who's gonna crack first" game. And coffee shop dates are only fun the first few times. To make things even worse, sometimes I don't feel like laughing at the same jokes about loving food more than people or how annoying homework is. (People. Everybody loves food, everybody gets annoyed by homework. Those are great openers when there's nothing else to talk about, but let's not leave that as your only conversational topic by the third date. Be yourself. Talk about what you're passionate about. You have value and so do the words you say!)

It's not that I hate all those things. And it's not that I hate love.

What I don't like is that those are the things we build relationships off of, often inside our own heads. Does he have nice hair? Is she athletic? Are they cuter than my ex? Did he like my most recent selfie? Yes, those things spark interest. But interest is not love. 

And yes, dating is rough. Yes, coffee shops and Instagram are all useful tools. And yes, I get it, Joshua Harris has ruined us.

But we get so distracted by all the little things, and we think that just because those little things grab our attention, they must be important. You could meet the perfect girl who likes all the same things as you and has a drop-dead smile, and she could bore you to tears. You could meet a great guy, who tells jokes that make your stomach hurt, and still not be attracted to him. 

Checklists don't make a marriage. 

Checklists don't make a friendship, even. Dating isn't as simple as you "pick somebody nice, and then you stick with them." Dating isn't as simple as waiting for a superstar "connection". Let's be open to different ways to meet people and grow through (and with) them. Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes they do. Have faith but have discernment. This is hard to admit, but sometimes you just know. Don't discount your knowing, whichever way it takes you.

I don't know how to do "love" and relationships in my context of a twenty-something North American. I'm totally lost when it comes to liking boys and how, or even if, I'm going to meet a soul-person to live my life with. I used to think I knew how to make a relationship work. Believe me, I've had the experience. But nothing works the same way twice. The only advice I have when it comes to dating is to be open. Know yourself. Pursue righteousness in all things. And sprinkle some grace for mistakes all throughout. 

Relationships, romantic love, it isn't everything. When we're getting to know somebody, whether that's dating or otherwise, let's be encouragers. Let's get to know the realness and brokenness of their humanity. Let's let God change our lives, and praise him unceasingly. And let's take a chance and ask somebody on a date every once in awhile. 

Let's Do Lunch.

Let's Do Lunch.

Monday, April 3, 2017

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling all kinds of exhausted right about now. I want a cup of tea, the softest blanket I can find, and maybe some puppy therapy. Instead, I have a night class. 

But this isn't about how tired I am. This isn't about quitting, or putting my headphones back in, or turning away because "I just don't feel like pouring myself into anybody right now". This isn't about school assignments. This isn't about your crush in Psych class or about how your jeans are a little bit too tight this month. This is about us. About community.

So let's do lunch. 

Let's do lunch and mean it. 

Not flippantly. Not as a conversation-filler that requires zero follow up. Not as a way to put a band-aid on somebody else's hurting. Not to make us feel good. 

Let's do lunch and share in sorrow. Let's do lunch and really listen to the person across from us. Let's do lunch, and put our phones away. Heaven forbid Instagram misses another picture of an avocado sandwich! Let's do lunch and give hope. Let's do lunch and build relationships. Let's do lunch and bring somebody the good news of salvation and tell them, from the bottom of our hearts, tell them that yes - there is hope. Yes - there is always a way out. Yes - you. are. never. stuck. 

When was the last time somebody asked you "How are you?" and you answered honestly? It's probably been too long. I'm so, so guilty of this. When was the last time you sat alone on your bed, crying your eyes out, and wondered if anybody cared? I've done this more times than I'd want to publicly admit. (Time to clear the comfort zone of my private, wall-building little heart.)

Let's hear. Let's listen. Breathe. 

Somebody does care. Somebody cares about you more than earth and heaven combined. Somebody loves you so much that they died just to pull you from the deepest depths of your own hell. 

You have more hope than you know. You have more ability than you know. You can do it. But not alone. 

So let's do lunch. 

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