I'm Bad at Love.

Mama Beth and Papa Beth. Aren't they the sweetest?!

(Sassy disclaimer, this isn't going to be another millennial article about the 'fear of commitment' epidemic or why singleness sucks in the Church. Depending on how orthodox you think you are, go to Relevant Magazine or the Gospel Coalition for that biz.)

So, I'm bad at "love". Or, what our culture thinks love is. And that's okay with me.

The truth is, I like who I am on my own. I find it hard to hold a text conversation for more than a few hours. I refuse to play the "do you like me or do I like you, and who's gonna crack first" game. And coffee shop dates are only fun the first few times. To make things even worse, sometimes I don't feel like laughing at the same jokes about loving food more than people or how annoying homework is. (People. Everybody loves food, everybody gets annoyed by homework. Those are great openers when there's nothing else to talk about, but let's not leave that as your only conversational topic by the third date. Be yourself. Talk about what you're passionate about. You have value and so do the words you say!)

It's not that I hate all those things. And it's not that I hate love.

What I don't like is that those are the things we build relationships off of, often inside our own heads. Does he have nice hair? Is she athletic? Are they cuter than my ex? Did he like my most recent selfie? Yes, those things spark interest. But interest is not love. 

And yes, dating is rough. Yes, coffee shops and Instagram are all useful tools. And yes, I get it, Joshua Harris has ruined us.

But we get so distracted by all the little things, and we think that just because those little things grab our attention, they must be important. You could meet the perfect girl who likes all the same things as you and has a drop-dead smile, and she could bore you to tears. You could meet a great guy, who tells jokes that make your stomach hurt, and still not be attracted to him. 

Checklists don't make a marriage. 

Checklists don't make a friendship, even. Dating isn't as simple as you "pick somebody nice, and then you stick with them." Dating isn't as simple as waiting for a superstar "connection". Let's be open to different ways to meet people and grow through (and with) them. Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes they do. Have faith but have discernment. This is hard to admit, but sometimes you just know. Don't discount your knowing, whichever way it takes you.

I don't know how to do "love" and relationships in my context of a twenty-something North American. I'm totally lost when it comes to liking boys and how, or even if, I'm going to meet a soul-person to live my life with. I used to think I knew how to make a relationship work. Believe me, I've had the experience. But nothing works the same way twice. The only advice I have when it comes to dating is to be open. Know yourself. Pursue righteousness in all things. And sprinkle some grace for mistakes all throughout. 

Relationships, romantic love, it isn't everything. When we're getting to know somebody, whether that's dating or otherwise, let's be encouragers. Let's get to know the realness and brokenness of their humanity. Let's let God change our lives, and praise him unceasingly. And let's take a chance and ask somebody on a date every once in awhile.