Family Day 2O17

Family Day 2O17

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Time for a little life update. 

I just survived a great weekend of hiking, eating, and best of all - family time. My crew headed out on Monday morning clad in hiking boots and knitted turtlenecks ready to take on the world. We went to a beautiful conservation area where we hiked for hours (And to think I had worried about not being able to keep up with my workout program while I was gone on the weekend! Sike! You haven't killed me yet, Autumn Calabrese!) 

Check out this gorgeous view over the frozen lake. I felt like I was walking around a scene in Narnia. I'm not gonna lie, I took the opportunity to wander away from the group and boulder up some of the more precarious rocks, just to see how out of climbing shape I was. I did alright! So far, so good! Can't wait to take some cool trips and blog about it for you guys :)  

Solid chats were had by all. New additions to our crazy group and lot's of laughter made it all a grand ol' time. My family is far from perfect - but while I've been away at school I've been convicted on some of the mistakes that I've made relationally in the past, and how I can make my love unconditional to the ones I hold dearest. Tears were shed, and hopefully some healing happened, too. 

After all that hiking we went on back to my grandmother's apartment and ate as much lasagna, veggies, fruit and icecream as we could fit in our bellies. (Obviously, mine was the Veg version, blog post on that to come at some point - probably in the summer!) Then we spontaneously decided to go through a bunch of unsorted photos and had a blast. Seriously, I forgot how cute all of us kids were. And obnoxious. There may or may not have been pictures of me pelting the crap out of other kids with snowballs. I've always had a bit of a mischievous streak ;) 

With all of these great memories made, both on the weekend and on Monday (shout out to the boyfriend and his lovely family!), it's got me feeling extremely thankful. Our culture puts so much emphasis on individuality, and I wouldn't argue with that, but who are we really without the people that love us? Without the love and support of my parents, siblings, and my wonderful extended family and friends too, I would definitely not be here pursuing ministry like I am today. I wouldn't be able to look in the mirror and say, "Hey, there are some things I would like to change, but today I'm going to work with what I've been given, and do it in a way that loves others and puts God first."

Most of all, though, I'd like to thank the Church family I have that spans across countries, ethnicities, and cultural differences. Where would each of us be without the love of Christ and the love of one another? Regardless of what family background you come from - there's room for you here. There's room for brokenness here. There's room for my brokenness. There's room for all of us to grow and heal here. 

Let's rest together in that. Happy Family Day everybody! 

Give It a Rest.

Give It a Rest.

Monday, February 13, 2017

I can't believe I'm still surprised when things don't go as planned.

Today I dropped my phone in the toilet. All of my committee notes, important school documents, meeting details, my event calendar, blog post ideas, stock photos, graphics, pictures, were accessible on that phone. I think my one grey hair just gained a twin. I'm annoyed, a little bit embarrassed, and a lottle bit frustrated at the entire, big, ugly, world.

So, here I am. At my school's cafe, staring at a computer screen, and trying hard not to cry. I have a million and one things to do today, and all those things just got the smidgenenest harder. If I was three years old I'd be stomping my foot right now. And if my mom were here, she would say it was time to put my big girl pants on. Somebody hand me a green tea, stat.

Crazily, these are the moments where I find my faith most tested. No no, I don't mean in the truly hardest times I don't struggle. But in these little things - and I mean little. I know for a fact this won't matter much to me by March or April - that's when my heart needs the biggest reality check. That's when I need to draw closer to the Father.

As I'm writing this, I'm remembering a conversation I had with two friends last night all about God's timing for our humbling. It's never our own. And that's why it teaches us something, that's why, instead of crying and stomping my feet - I'm taking deep breaths. It's time for me to rest. Rest in the idea that maybe I don't need to have it all together. Rest in the fact that some things, like iPhones and toilets, are out of my control.

Maybe you need to rest too.

It's hard being on the ball, all the time. It's hard trying to plan and discuss and protect so that nothing ever goes wrong. My gut reaction to life snags like this is to stop the entire world so I can rearrange it as if nothing happened. But what happens when something really does? All that energy, all that worry, all that business for the sake of business proves itself to be worth nothing. And I never seem to learn, every time. Thanks for your humbling, Lord. Just when I was flying high on myself and my accomplishments, one false dance move to Alt-J in front of my bathroom mirror sent all my worldly dreams into the literal toilet. I got the message, loud and clear.

So today I'm stopping. I'm resting in God's everlasting favour. I'm making a new plan - one that gives room for failure, mistakes, and growth. A plan that isn't lead by my own will, but the will of my saviour. Funny how one sad little iPhone in a rice bucket can remind me of where I still need to grow.

Merry + Bright | 2016 Wrap-Up

Merry + Bright | 2016 Wrap-Up

Friday, December 23, 2016

Well. Here we go.

2O16 was good to me. I'll be honest though, I started it pretty confused. I had a lot to work through and a lot of questions, but I was confident that there were things worth hoping for ahead. Not in a melodramatic way, but I just knew that life was changing for the better. And peeps, I had no idea what was coming. 

I almost never talk about it, but a month before Christmas last year one of my siblings went missing. I'll never forget that night. It was an experience that left me feeling cold deep into my bones. I've experienced terror and heart-pain before, but not quite like that. Looking into the eyes of a police officer as you describe details like height, build, what they were wearing, and seeing nothing but grim statistics and hopelessness is heartbreaking. Thankfully they were found, through a series of events I can only thank God for, but the details and dangers of those long days made me rethink everything in my life. It showed me who was worth keeping around, and taught me that the people you love should never be taken for granted. So I set out on a mission that would change me from the inside out--to live with a purpose of grace, and love the broken unconditionally, no matter what. 

And that's an easy and eloquent thing to say, from where I'm sitting in a lazy chair with Ben Howard strumming, and some earl grey in my Darth Vader mug. But as I'm sure you've learned from following this blog, it's a lot harder to live. Especially for me. I'm insecure, full of silent pride, and battle my own selfishness daily. Oh, I'm great at looking like I don't struggle. It's natural to put on a pious face and look like the pharisees praying in the street. Yet on that cold night that changed everything, I decided I was done with looking like I had it figured out. 

But it wasn't an easy journey, either. There's been a lot of bumps and head-meet-wall moments, especially in the last few weeks. Humanity man, you can't escape it. My poor roommate has seen me doing what I like to call "Angry Yoga" many a night. And honeys, it is just as pitiful as it sounds! I'm a pretty joyful person, but trust me, even I get a case of the grumps sometimes. Dealing with my heart attitude and loving even when I'd really, I mean reaally would rather not is still a skill I'm learning and by no means have mastered. But every day I make that choice, it gets a little easier. It becomes more of who I am. Hey, it's almost like what the bible teaches about love, life, and wisdom actually works? Crazy stuff, amiright!

So, here we are. Twelve or so months later. I've finished my first semester of bible college, I started a blog (that I never expected would be so successful, by the way! And it's all thanks to you guys!), I've been able to pour into the lives of people around me, and I've been able to grow in my own ministry. Need I even mention the leaps and bounds in personal growth God has helped me through along the way? Fifteen year old me, who barely even knew how to read her bible, would be amazed. I had some reflection time in the cold, wintery air near my sweet home yesterday and was in awe of all that God has done in my life--and I only had to just let Him. I can look back on 2016 and say that it was easily one of the best years of my life so far. A special thanks to all my amazing ladies and bros--or rather, all the people I've come to see as a second family--who made the end of this year such a blast and really worth celebrating.

As I look forward to this Christmas and the upcoming New Year, and all the new possibilities to come, I'm excited. Even just recently I've seen how God can work in my life by giving me promises, and what can happen when I try to work them out myself rather than letting God handle it all in his own time. And just when I thought I heard Him wrong, He humbled me, and held to those promises in a way that I could not have imagined. I'm in awe. I'm pumped. And I can't wait to see what challenges and changes happen in 2017. Would it be arrogant to stand up from my chair, fist bump the sky and yell, "Hey 2017, I'm ready! Bring it!"? Okay, okay, I get it. There's still some areas to grow in during the next year.

Remember, there's no formula for God's grace. And there's no formula for loving broken people. There's no formula for loving yourself, either. You only need let go, and trust the One who knows you better than you know yourself. It's a choice. It's a daily dedication. It's hard. But if I can do it, the little girl wannabe comedian/writer, then so can you. With all my love and best wishes in the new year to come,

Beth

ps. Here are some pretty pictures I've taken on the break so far. Enjoy!

Properly brewed Earl Grey, how I have missed you. Also, white poinsettias are gorgeous!

Bedroom postas. I should do some kind of decor blog at some point, pretty spaces are a secret passion of mine. 

From scratch ginger snaps, made by yours truly! Here's the recipe if you're interested.