I can't believe I'm still surprised when things don't go as planned.
Today I dropped my phone in the toilet. All of my committee notes, important school documents, meeting details, my event calendar, blog post ideas, stock photos, graphics, pictures, were accessible on that phone. I think my one grey hair just gained a twin. I'm annoyed, a little bit embarrassed, and a lottle bit frustrated at the entire, big, ugly, world.
So, here I am. At my school's cafe, staring at a computer screen, and trying hard not to cry. I have a million and one things to do today, and all those things just got the smidgenenest harder. If I was three years old I'd be stomping my foot right now. And if my mom were here, she would say it was time to put my big girl pants on. Somebody hand me a green tea, stat.
Crazily, these are the moments where I find my faith most tested. No no, I don't mean in the truly hardest times I don't struggle. But in these little things - and I mean little. I know for a fact this won't matter much to me by March or April - that's when my heart needs the biggest reality check. That's when I need to draw closer to the Father.
As I'm writing this, I'm remembering a conversation I had with two friends last night all about God's timing for our humbling. It's never our own. And that's why it teaches us something, that's why, instead of crying and stomping my feet - I'm taking deep breaths. It's time for me to rest. Rest in the idea that maybe I don't need to have it all together. Rest in the fact that some things, like iPhones and toilets, are out of my control.
Maybe you need to rest too.
It's hard being on the ball, all the time. It's hard trying to plan and discuss and protect so that nothing ever goes wrong. My gut reaction to life snags like this is to stop the entire world so I can rearrange it as if nothing happened. But what happens when something really does? All that energy, all that worry, all that business for the sake of business proves itself to be worth nothing. And I never seem to learn, every time. Thanks for your humbling, Lord. Just when I was flying high on myself and my accomplishments, one false dance move to Alt-J in front of my bathroom mirror sent all my worldly dreams into the literal toilet. I got the message, loud and clear.
So today I'm stopping. I'm resting in God's everlasting favour. I'm making a new plan - one that gives room for failure, mistakes, and growth. A plan that isn't lead by my own will, but the will of my saviour. Funny how one sad little iPhone in a rice bucket can remind me of where I still need to grow.
So, here I am. At my school's cafe, staring at a computer screen, and trying hard not to cry. I have a million and one things to do today, and all those things just got the smidgenenest harder. If I was three years old I'd be stomping my foot right now. And if my mom were here, she would say it was time to put my big girl pants on. Somebody hand me a green tea, stat.
Crazily, these are the moments where I find my faith most tested. No no, I don't mean in the truly hardest times I don't struggle. But in these little things - and I mean little. I know for a fact this won't matter much to me by March or April - that's when my heart needs the biggest reality check. That's when I need to draw closer to the Father.
As I'm writing this, I'm remembering a conversation I had with two friends last night all about God's timing for our humbling. It's never our own. And that's why it teaches us something, that's why, instead of crying and stomping my feet - I'm taking deep breaths. It's time for me to rest. Rest in the idea that maybe I don't need to have it all together. Rest in the fact that some things, like iPhones and toilets, are out of my control.
Maybe you need to rest too.
It's hard being on the ball, all the time. It's hard trying to plan and discuss and protect so that nothing ever goes wrong. My gut reaction to life snags like this is to stop the entire world so I can rearrange it as if nothing happened. But what happens when something really does? All that energy, all that worry, all that business for the sake of business proves itself to be worth nothing. And I never seem to learn, every time. Thanks for your humbling, Lord. Just when I was flying high on myself and my accomplishments, one false dance move to Alt-J in front of my bathroom mirror sent all my worldly dreams into the literal toilet. I got the message, loud and clear.
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