When It Rains, It Pours.

When It Rains, It Pours.

Monday, March 6, 2017

I think there's an art to knowing the right thing to say, at the right time. Or at least sounding like you do. 

My Dad and Grandpa seem to have this skill mastered. Something would happen, like a scraped knee or broken tire-swing, and it would shake up my little world. And they'd have a phrase or saying that made it all better. 

As I got older I started to appreciate these handy sayings less and less - a stormy eyed teenager's wrath isn't much appeased by "That's jus' the way she goes." in response to unfairness or what I thought was the worst injustice in the whole world (honestly, knowing my teenage self, it probably had more to do with me being allowed to wear jeans with holes in them than actual injustice). And when the tears started to fall, oh baby, did I ever hate hearing my Dad chuckle and declare confidently, "When it rains, it pours." 

This past little while has definitely been a season of raining and pouring. I woke up this morning to fog and slick grass to remind me of the showers last night - both in the world outside and the world inside my head. Sometimes your day goes bad to worse and heads straight into dead-awful. One of the hardest things I'm trying to reconcile in my confused brain is how there's a grand, almighty plan behind all of what's happening in my life and in my heart. I used to believe that any situation can be solved by the right amount of love and grace interwoven, and even the most difficult circumstances can be reasoned with by truth.

I've learned now that it doesn't always happen that way. And sometimes, no matter what you do, there's never going to be a perfect solution where everyone walks away encouraged or at least hopeful. 

Maybe I'll never learn the art of having the right things to say at the right time. I'm okay with that. And maybe a little raining and pouring is what I really need right now - even though it doesn't feel like it. 

So even though circumstances have got my heart hurting and seeking, and I've got red and purple cry-eyes big time (not even all the Pinterest home-remedies can save me now), I know I'm not in charge. I'm not the one who has the plan. Even though it looks to me like there's no good to come out of these circumstances, for anybody - I have to trust. 

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This is what Purpose of Grace blog is all about. Another one of those cheesy-fits-the-moment-quotes I hear all the time goes like this; "Grow through what you go through." Even though I'm struggling, I gotta choose to grow and become more like Jesus. Even though I'm doubting and seeking and trying to figure out what's going to happen next, I praise God for his plan and I praise Him because he knows infinitely more about this than I do. His timing is perfect. His ways are perfect. And he commits to the good of those who love him - and he doesn't leave them lost or lonely. 

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Welcome.

Welcome.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Welcome.

For those of you who have been here since the beginning or just now stumbling onto this little piece of my messy life, welcome. 

If you've had a chance to read my blurb about what Purpose of Grace really is and what I'm about, you'll be familiar with this next bit already. And if not, here it is - I want this to be a place of freedom, creativity, and worship of Jesus Christ. Although my words and posts are simply my own, I hope and pray that they'll help point both of us (most days I wonder if it's all more for me than for you. I've had some serious changes happen in me in the short amount of time since I started POG!) a little bit closer to becoming Christlike. Or even just cause us to think more and maybe open our hearts a little to this Jesus guy. Life is big and complicated and we're flawed and broken and sometimes the weight of it all seems too large to carry. Other days it's light and airy and we feel like the world is carrying us while we sail along. This is normal. It's okay to rejoice and it's okay to struggle. And I want to write about all of it. It's my personal goal that we'll be able to find comfort, encouragement, and maybe even a kick in the butt together in all the sailing and carrying that we do.

Some of you, I know deeper than the wrinkles in my own hands, and others, I have yet to know. Even though the crazy little crew of you darlings span from Australia to Brazil , and some of you are right here with me in Ontario, I think and pray for each of you often. I'm not just here to write out my thoughts and my advice and talk about my experiences. I'm here for you, too. Just like a lot of you have been here for me. 

So this is my thank you. Thank you to those of you who have been coming to this corner of the internet for six months, a month, or even a few hours. Thank you for those of you who have challenged me and given me feedback. Thank you to those of you who have encouraged me. Thank you to those of you who have reached out when you needed somebody to talk to. And thank you to those of you who are content to watch and pray and learn with me. I appreciate it all. And I especially appreciate you. 

A big big thank you has to go out to my girls, my womanly readers, you guys rock my socks off! Sisterhood is magic. Let's remember to love on each other and not put each other down. We have enough gunk to worry about. 

Love always, xoxo, & a thousand gnarly fist bumps,

Beth

When Your Heart is Broken.

When Your Heart is Broken.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

I'm not going to start this as if I'm in a place where I'm heartbroken. In fact, I'd say I'm going through the opposite. Which doesn't sound very encouraging or even helpful for the topic of this post. But it might give you some comfort for the future, rather than for where you're at right now. Just stay with me a little bit and I'll show you what I mean. 

 Still - I have been there before, sweet one. I've been there. And there's a chance I'll be there again - even if I gain the "perfect happily ever after". There will be times when I'll be heartbroken if I'm married. There will be times when I'll be heartbroken if I have children (especially if they're anything like me). Part of living in a broken world is that there's broken people, me and you included. Even a good person may not be a good person for you or for where you're at right now. That's hard to admit. It will take time. Don't rush yoself. 

Sometimes it's circumstances. In my experience, that's often the hardest part of heartbreak to accept. 

Maybe you've never been in a relationship, and that's what has your heart breaking. It's okay to say to yourself, "I don't know why I'm single, and it hurts." It's okay to share that. You're not weak and you don't need to feel vulnerable or as if there's a target on your back for admitting it. 

Heartbreak hurts. I know that sounds like a no-duh, but we make heartbreak out to seem as if it's girls in high school eating icecream from the tub and wearing the same socks for a week. That is not heartbreak. Heartbreak is a tear in your life that you know probably won't be mended or replaced, and all that's left to do is ache until it heals. Even that is an over simplification of what heartbreak is. And the hardest part of getting over heartbreak, I would argue, is sometimes you don't want to heal. Because with healing comes forgetting, and with healing comes putting yourself out there. And it's scary and it's uncomfortable and sometimes the rock bottom desperation of heartbreak is downright embarrassing, and who ever invented cute people and why did they think having feelings was ever a good idea anyway?! 

What you need to know about heartbreak that is so sneaky, is that it's all about you. It's about how you feel. What you're going through. Don't get me wrong, you get to wallow. You should take some time to wallow. (My tips for effective wallowing include salt and vinegar chips, angry yoga, The Mindy Project, and facemasks. And we can't forget a stew station of all the softest blankets and pillows in your house.  Very important.) But after that, you have to live your life. And live it well. 

Sometimes you can get in the pattern of thinking that living your life well means showing them how much better off you are. Throw that idea out the window. That's not healing, people! That's bitterness. Living your life well means you love God with all you've got. And you tackle that baggage. Take time to reflect and learn how to grow effectively. It's a skill that you will need for life, no matter what happens, no matter who loves you. Seriously. Most of the coolest things I've ever done I did right after a break up, and they pushed me, and grew me farther than if I'd stayed sad and on my couch. It's not gonna fix you or make you forget about what happened, but it will change you and help you on your way to growth. 

The last thing you need to know about heartbreak is that it isn't forever. I've had some really, really tough break ups. I've been the dumper, and the dumpee. I know what it's like to be stuck. I also know what it's like to move forward with peace even through my hurting. Basically what I'm saying, and what I touched on at the beginning of this post, is that I survived. You will get to a place where it's okay! You will get to a place when you're thriving. Pray. Let God lead when you feel spent and see what he does with your surrender. 

Even when it hurts, and even through heartbreak, He works.