Oops, I Did It Again

Oops, I Did It Again

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Oh baybay, baaybay.

You know that constant, nagging voice that keeps telling you; "you're not cool enough, you haven't been to enough places, you're not pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, etc"? Maybe it's just me. But I've read enough magazine covers and watched enough YouTube beauty tutorials to know that you probably hear that voice in the back of your head, too.

We live in a culture of comparison. I'm quick to admit that I'm easily party to it. Somebody will say; "I'd love to go to _________." I'll reply, "Oh yeah? Well when I was there a few months ago I climbed a freakin mountain. Check out these gnarly pics!" You did something? I've got news for you honey -- I already did it. And better. And my concealer didn't even crease under the pressure!

Does that sound like you? 

I've got a picture in my room (technically it's in storage wrapped in oodles of plastic bags right now - I'm heading to school for the first time on monday) that says "Kill the urge to say something about yourself when others say something personal." One thing I learned a long time ago is nothing destroys your witness quite like making it the Beth Show. Yeah, God is changing me, but it's not because I benevolently show him what I think needs improvement. It's because I have no choice but to surrender myself to his perfect molding every day, in order to survive. I'm not kidding.

I have had a lot of struggles in my life. More recently I've had a lot of triumphs. It's God's grace, wisdom, and constant "taking me down a peg" via conviction, scripture, or fellow believers that reminds me my life is not about me. I have a purpose so far beyond just writing motivational pieces or perfecting my winged liner. But when I shift my eyes for a second and bask in my own glory, the ugly voice of comparison knocks me out, and suddenly I'm in bed eating cookie dough with greasy hair - all ideas of calling the girl who needs a friend, helping out with the church program, or having personal one-on-one time with my Saviour go out the window. 

Comparison culture only does two things - makes you feel temporarily good by bringing somebody else down, or makes you feel like a nice, steaming piece of crap. Perfect. 💩 

Seriously, though, the only way to stop the poison of comparison is to shift your eyes on the One who sees who you really are. Without comparison to anybody. And loves you unconditionally despite of it! That's an incredible truth. God isn't comparing you to Becky with the Good Hair who serves in sunday school every week, or your pastor's wife, or me, or any other human being for that matter. God isn't afraid of what he'll find. 

1 John 4:16 says; "So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." That's incredible. I got a bit of a shiver just typing that out. The chapter goes on to mention that if you love God but hate "your brother", you don't really love God. Could we apply that to how we feel about ourselves? If you hate or are discontent with who you are, what does that say about your relationship with God? Are you letting him use you to your full potential? Or are you letting comparison culture win and keep you from the joy, hope and peace that's waiting for you. You are worthy of love. Not for what you do, not for what you've done, not for who you compare yourself to - you are worthy of the love of your Saviour just by the fact you were breathed into existence. 

Let's go out today with a purpose of grace - and kick comparison right in the butt as we do it. 

Blessed.

Blessed.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

A little over a week until I start a whole new chapter. My internal monologue - in stark contrast to my outer cool, calm, sensual and sophisticated persona (cmon, laugh with me here) - runs something like this;

WHATTHEHECKWHATTHEHECKWHATTHEHECK

I'm not being melodramatic when I say I'm a little intimidated. It also doesn't help that Frank Ocean's "Lost" is playing in the background as I write this.

Girl you know you lost, lost in the heat of it all, girl you know you lost, lost in the thrill of it all...

Although I would hardly describe this moment as heated or thrilling (I'm pretty sure I have toothpaste stains on my shirt and my face is greasy) , there's something about the song that's hitting a nerve with me. I'm sure all freshmen get this feeling before their very first semester at post secondary. 

My human mind quickly shifts back and forth between doubt, worry, anxiety, and at some points - crippling fear. Am I excited? Yes. Am I confident in my ability to make new friends, ask for help when needed, and generally keep it cool? In my better moments, of course. Fear isn't rational. My unbelief isn't rational - even when everything inside me is screaming that cynicism is the only way to keep myself from getting hurt. As I look at my life and see the beautiful ways that God has showed his hand already, my fear should cause a few eyerolls. Cmon gurl! He has shown himself faithful! Just trust already! Sometimes you have to zoom out your vision. 

Blessed is she who believes. I'm holding onto this one like an extreme couponer holds onto a $5 off voucher. Blessed is she who believes. God is God with or without you - but something magical happens when you allow him to take hold of your life, take hold of your fear, and turn it into something useful. Suddenly, you two are a team. Now there's real relationship. When you believe that God's got it - your dreams, your future, your fear, your struggles, your darkness - you are blessed. Mary's faith and belief alone were the reason she was chosen to carry the Saviour in her womb. She who believed in God's promises to her, was truly blessed. 

Lord, strengthen my belief. I can't do it alone. No bible study or inspirational pinterest board can make it happen. But You can. I trust you to lead me in my relationships, my choices, my academics, and my thought life. You have proven yourself over and over - belief is so much more than a positive attitude or inner mantra. Belief is faith with action. 

I'm not sure when my next blog will be, but until then, stay sweet my lovelies, and live with a purpose of grace. 

Maverick.

Maverick.

Friday, August 5, 2016

This content was originally posted August 5th, 2016 as an Instagram caption, and edited onto this blog August 29th, 2016.

Thinking back to a conversation I had with a young gal this past week as she was making this adorable sand masterpiece (in my honour I might add!!! I gave it an enthusiastic 15/5... I can't help it, my heart melted four times at once), I'm realizing again and again how important it is to be "the someone". 

Someone who listens when listening is needed and someone who tells the truth when it needs to be heard. Someone ready to crack a joke, even if it's hecka lame, during the hard times. Someone who will tell the other kids to shut up, because glasses are cool and so is Starwars and nobody should ever tell you differently. Or even just to bridge the gap between persons and grab a hand that needs holding. 

Yes, it's impossible to be someone who does these things all the time at every moment with perfect wisdom and timing - but when you see an opportunity, I dare you to be the someone who makes a difference. Every small molecule of water moves together to make a wave, and you get to choose whether your impact creates a mushburger or a maverick.